man fuck this. fuck feelings. i literally have no reason to masturbate, like i can watch porn and just not even get hard. its all pointless, just a short feeling with a longer lasting after effect which i don’t even feel anymore. there is no pleasure coming from when i do it, no happiness, nothing. just emptiness. why must have i reached this point? why have i have to deal with this? what did i do to deserve this? the questions just pile up with not a single answer to chip the stack away. i don’t want to carry on like this. i want to be happy, i want to be able to experience true pleasure, true happiness, true feelings that aren’t just downers or fabricated to cover them. it’s all i want. why can’t i have it? is 1 request too much, God? even if it’s the only one of my lifetime? just one? why must i endure the torture of living. no, not anymore. this is it. the final message. it’s been a pleasure knowing you all, but i must depart now, for the greater good of myself and others. goodbye