Have you ever thought about the existence of Jesus Christ? I’ve contemplated His existence for my entire life. However, through an eye-opening miracle, I have finally figured out the answer. The second coming of Jesus happened today during what I can only describe as a clusterfuckingly dumb abomination of Spanish and history class.

The only sounds you could hear are the teacher’s ramblings about the Spanish Inquisition. Suddenly, everything came to a halt, as the artistic but also real representation of Satan paused. After some time of seemingly devising a new way to royally buttfuck the entire class, she speaks, in her “Yes, I will shame you for drinking coffee with milk.” tone:

“You’ll write some more, and then we’ll practice grammar.”

All of the students had a look of sheer disappointment on their faces, beginning to loudly groan and sigh, showing their disappreciation for this evil deed. They started to riot, declaring that they simply cannot take any more of this sick, twisted tomfoolery!

Though the loudest voice came from the soon to be Hero sitting next to me, His jokes shaking the very core of the teacher’s nonexistent soul.

“Come to the front and say the lesson, \[Redacted\].” The “teacher” said, with a huge, devilish grin forming on her ugly ass mug. Horns started to seep out of her skull, and her back deformed, eventually sculpting itself into wings befitting of Satan.

He stood up, facing His fear headstrong, ready to sacrifice His grades and dignity to save us all from a doom of broken hands and extreme boredom! He had a look of determination as he stepped up. But Satan would not back down so easily.

“Say the name of the lesson.” She said, confidently, her words intimidating all other students.

He stood silent, though a faint smirk appeared. Little did these uncultured heretics know that everything was going according to plan.

“L-Luis..” (-Jesus 1:15) He blurts out, a holy light blinding the teacher as she is left utterly speechless by His remarkable comeback. To the blind eye, He seemed clueless, but He was asserting the highest tier of dominance possible by renaming the lesson to whatever He could. It was a display of power; He was the second coming of Jesus Christ and he could rename anything. That simple word that came out of his mouth was truly unexpected, just like the Spanish Inquisition!

A slight sound of someone clapping their hands was heard. And then another one.. until the entire class started applauding His intelligence, His sacrifice to mankind! His grades were crucified for the sake of us not getting Carpal Tunnel, He was on the cross and the one punishing Him was the teacher.

But the storm was eventually weathered once His brother proclaims:

“You should’ve said sorry to the teacher.”

Jesus Christ listened to his words. Everyone stayed quiet to let Him think.

“S-sorry, teacher..” (-Jesus 1:17) He said, His smug expression still remaining, taunting Satan.

Yet again, the class shows its undying love for this absolute hero, bursting into tears of laughter and applauding as if it was a stage play. That’s because it was. The teacher was the puppet on a string and He was the one controlling the string.

The most benevolent, welcoming sound flooded the entire school; that of the bell ringing. Satan had no choice but to retreat, and although Jesus had His grades die for our sins, the resolution of this happening was truly magnificient.

I think this is enough proof to sustain that, yes, Jesus does exist.