I’m so fucking tired of being alive, I ruin everything, I don’t know if I can’t feel anything for anyone else or if I feel too much for myself. I want everything to burn down so it never gives me a glimmer of hope ever again, all hope brings is pain and disappointment. I don’t know how I haven’t killed myself yet. I’m garbage through and through. Yet no one has taken me out. And I don’t have the balls to do it myself.


I have to be a terrible person, it’s the way things were meant to be. I can’t change it, it’s like a fucking curse. My calling is to hurt people and be a waste of existence, and I can’t ever hope to change. I will forever be put in a category that destroys any chance of future love, happiness or acceptance. This I know, and it crushes me, reduces me to tears.

But then this entity grabs hold of me, and no matter how much I squirm or scream it latches onto my soul, transforming the very fiber of my being. And just as quickly as they came, my tears disappear. I have no capacity for good until this side of me has been fulfilled. And it will never be satisfied. This is my life, and everything I can ever expect to be.